Presence Over Presents

Yuletide carols fill the air. Streets and stores are dolled up in festive red, green and gold.  Airports are jammed with excited passengers heading home for Christmas. The sounds, scents and sights of Christmas never fail to elicit good vibes.  

My all-time favourite quote is the one of American author Bill Vaughan: “The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” I couldn’t agree more. Presence over Presents matters most.

It’s not really the gifts that we remember most. Rather, it’s that snug feeling that they bring that we look forward to every year. (Image: magnifissance.com)

Christmas with my family is my happy place. For many years I made plans as early as September. I was on a mission to set the right merry mood so the kids would have fond memories of family Christmases.  I spruced up our home in Manila for our annual family get-together. Even after we moved overseas, my husband and I made it a point to be home for Christmas, no excuses. I was determined to make each year merrier than the last, hoping that somehow our kids could draw joyful moments from their Christmas past when it’s their turn to make their plans for their own kids.

Then Covid-19 pandemic happened. The travel ban made it impossible for us to be home for Christmas. This year, I’m more determined to rekindle our traditions – maybe add new ones. Our kids are all grown up now. A mix of working millennials and school-age Gen Zers, they are gathering again in our home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I’m sure none of them will be tricked again into believing that Santa Clause dropped off their gifts under the tree.

I’d like to believe that Christmas is not just about gifts. Looking back, it’s not really the gifts that we remember most. Rather, it’s that snug feeling that they bring that we look forward to every year. As the family grows, the more we appreciate these annual rituals and traditions.

Volunteering for a good cause teaches the kids how simple acts of generosity and compassion when given to the less privileged is living the true spirit of Christmas – giving without a thought of getting. (Image: compassion.com)

“Traditions are a powerful component of a family culture. We call them the glue that holds the family together. Traditions create lasting bonds and a certain energy that is shared not only during the event but in the memory of it too,” says Linda Eyre, author of numerous books on families, life-balance, and parenting.

This year is as good as any to start and/or revive family Christmas rituals with the goal of embracing the 3Rs: reconnect, revitalise and reinforce a sense of identity and belonging. Nothing elaborate. The simpler, the better.

Make a Family Jing-A-Ling Playlist, a mishmash of songs with everyone adding his/her own personal favourites to the collection. You’ll be surprised at the diverse range of tunes the whole family can come up with. 

Create a Christmas Playlist, a merry mishmash of songs with everyone adding his/her own personal favourites to the collection. (Image: phsnews.com)

Send a love note to each child. Initiate a Christmas love note ritual writing a note to each of our offspring. It’s a good time to reassure them that they are loved and that they make us proud. Sometimes, due to our busy schedules, we take for granted expressing things like “I love you” and “We’re here for you”. Receiving our love note will remind them that family matters, that they matter, and that they will never have to go through life alone.

Buy gifts from NGOs, a gesture that will get a nod from the millennials and Gen Zers. Support local artisans and Mom ‘n Pop shops. They usually have unique gifts that will be appreciated more as opposed to mass-produced items sold online or in department stores. Encourage family members, especially the young ones, to join you. Choose who to support wisely. There will always be pseudo organisations that pop up during this time of year to take advantage of people’s generosity.

Support local artisans and Mom ‘n Pop shops. They usually have unique gifts that will be appreciated more as opposed to mass-produced items. (Image: thesmartlocal.ph)

Volunteer as a family. Kindness doesn’t cost anything. There are many ways and places to volunteer including soup kitchens, night shelters, orphanages, nursing homes, animal shelters, hospices, etc.  All you have to do is look for one within your community. This teaches the kids how simple acts of generosity and compassion when given to the less privileged is living the true spirit of Christmas – giving without a thought of getting. Make this an annual “event” to instill community camaraderie. Volunteering improves self-esteem, builds empathy and even helps the younger ones feel more connected to the environment they live in.

Family Christmas traditions reconnect, revitalise and reinforce a sense of identity and belonging. Being with family means wonderful memories in the making. (Image: deposit photos.com)

We can – and should – add more rituals and traditions in the coming years. Christmas is a piece of our home that we carry in our hearts. Being with family means wonderful memories in the making.

Debbie | ws

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