Jocelyn Goh: Boundaries Matter
Do boundaries keep people out or fence you in? For Jocelyn Goh the answer lies in why they were put up in the first place.
Boundaries shield us mentally, emotionally and physically. They flag up what you’re okay and not okay with.
(Image: lizziemoult.com)
Jocelyn has hurdled barriers just by being a young female Chinese from the working class. From a young age she understood and learned to set boundaries and not just subject herself to conventions if they were unfair and unjust. As she grew older she paid more attention to self-care. It’s drawing a clear line on how she wants to be treated, rooted in values she lives by.
None of her boundaries are about erecting walls to fence her in. Rather, they fence out unwelcome situations and people. She learned from experience that without her clearly defined boundaries she could be vulnerable to external influences and happenings that may impact her life and go against who she really is.
Jocelyn says she has her mother to thank for instilling in her only daughter perseverance, respect, responsibility and, most important of all, freedom of choice – values that were forged over time to rise above parochial prejudices against gender, race, age and cultures.
“My mum had a very tough upbringing but led a successful and happy life by her own merits. She was born to poor Chinese farmers in China and was adopted by a family in Singapore when she was nine years old,” says the Singaporean mother of two.
Mostly confined at home to do chores, her mum wasn’t schooled in a conventional sense, which was typical of her generation. But she managed to teach herself to read, write and eventually set up businesses that let her and her family live a good and rich life, both materially and spiritually. When she passed away at the age of 73 she left behind some properties with her husband, four children and eight grandchildren, including a home in China she helped finance for her biological family that’s still being used today.
(Image: lizziemoult.com)
“As a successful businesswoman who raised four kids she became my role model. Fearless, confident, successful, balanced and effective,” Jocelyn says. Determined to follow in her mother’s footsteps, she took a commerce programme in high school and pursued a university degree in Business Administration.
At the same time, it must be said that her mum and dad still had traditional Chinese values that commonly placed different expectations on girls and boys. The reality of those cultural barriers within her own household taught her to push back and set boundaries, not buying into the idea that there should be any difference between herself and her three brothers.
She recalls: ”Girls were supposed to do household chores while the boys played. I was so mad with my mum when she asked me to iron my brothers’ clothes. I remember feeling so unjustly treated. They have hands, why should I do it for them?!”
(Image: lizziemoult.com)
Perhaps her choice of partner was also guided by her boundaries. Marrying a more liberal European foreigner with similar values as hers was also a choice to set the right circumstances for herself. Initially her parents were upset, afraid that the cultural differences would be too big and were concerned that the neighbours would gossip.
“We lived together without being married for some years. Also, my daughters have my Chinese surname (in combination with my husband’s surname in their English names) compared to the Chinese tradition of taking only your husband’s name. I felt it was the right thing to do to manifest the double culture identity. Maybe, unconsciously, I was trying to set and push some boundaries where possible,” says Jocelyn cheekily.
Jocelyn, who turned 50 last year, has spent more than half of her life travelling, working and living overseas: Sweden, Switzerland, Vietnam and the UK and many parts of Asia.
She built a career in Apple and Ikea, where she worked her way up the ladder to reach country, regional and global management roles. Over a period of 15 years, she also started and co-founded three commercial ventures: a property development and hospitality business in Bali/Lombok, a restaurant-café in Singapore, and a Scandinavian children’s organic clothing business.
Jocelyn has hurdled barriers just by being a young female Chinese from the working class.
In 2019, during one of her last corporate roles and with the intention to develop her leadership further, she signed up for a professional coaching course and attained her first coaching accreditation as a Certified Professional Coactive Coach (CPCC). It was a rigorous one-year programme.
“I became very passionate learning about myself and how I could help others benefit from my experience on a broader scale. Inspired by a lot of good feedback, it was hard to ignore the feeling of deep joy and fulfilment while coaching others and, progressively, the idea of making it full time was born,” she reflects.
It’s hard not to be impressed by her resume. There were stumbling blocks along the way, perhaps a few more because of cultural differences and biases, “especially in my early years when I didn’t have much experience and I had to live and work in different countries”.
Just two years after joining a multinational company in Singapore, the then 25-year-old Jocelyn had an opportunity to work at the Group’s headquarters based in Europe. It was her first overseas job posting where she encountered an unpleasant experience with her manager then. The latter had no qualms putting her down in front of the team with smearing remarks like “Don’t bother with her. She’s just one of those Asians who is trying to prove herself”.
“Perhaps he was trying to make a joke but I had to confront him as I thought it was very much out-of-line just because I was just being professional in my work and wanted to work hard,” she says.
“Also in the same year, I requested a higher salary increase from my boss’ boss. My manager proposed an average increase. However, I knew that I had done so much more compared to most. Even though I was much too young and too inexperienced in their eyes, I thought I deserved to be fairly rewarded”.
“After a while I realised that my background and heritage had its benefits.”
Since then there have been many similar occasions over her 25-year career, but keeping to the same principles has guided her “even though I’m older, have more experience and, hopefully, a bit wiser,” says Jocelyn jokingly.
“After a while, I realised that my background and heritage had its benefits,” she says.
As one of the first Asians to be employed at the headquarters she remembers getting a lot of attention. However, in the end she believes her hard work, results, and her friendly, energetic demeanour opened doors to many interesting roles including the opportunity to live and work in different countries as an expatriate.
She remembers: “I was 27 years old when I was offered to manage a huge department in the UK. The store was the biggest in the world then in terms of volume and revenue. So imagine a highly busy store and lots of staff. In a diverse city like London, the cultural divide is definitely new for me. I was small-sized and looked young with two ponytails. No one took me seriously. They didn’t even look at me while I spoke to them as their manager. I had to prove my worth and earn their trust. It was a very tough time. Cultural barriers are very cruel sometimes. But I believed they didn’t do it intentionally. They just didn’t trust someone who looked different or had no experience in their view.”
“I was the first female Asian managing director in the purchasing organisation in Asia, which has always been a position for men, maybe due to the nature of the work or due to more men willing to take up such roles.” Although the move was largely influenced by her gender, she didn’t mind.
Another job breakthrough: she became the first Asian to be appointed deputy CEO in the UK. The Group management then wanted diversity amongst its CEOs in the world.
Rising above yet another barrier, Jocelyn believes: “There is a silver lining with every adversity. I realised that internal boundaries confine and constrain us. They are what we inflict on ourselves – limiting beliefs, feeling small – because of discriminatory experiences.”
Boundaries shield us mentally, emotionally and physically. They flag up what you’re okay and not okay with. (Image: goodtherapy.org)
She considers herself lucky being at the right place at the right time. She worked hard and wasn’t afraid to try anything both professionally and in her private life.
Since four years ago she’s been focused on her executive team and leadership coaching on top of her day-to-day role. She didn’t know it then, but her shift from senior management to leadership and team coaching during her last leg of her corporate career was the catalyst that carved the new professional path.
Just as she did throughout her life, she set out to define her boundaries and not for others to define them for her.
“I was perhaps expected to continue climbing the corporate ladder but when I got into coaching I knew I wanted to change the course of my career. It was a very hard decision to make given all the fun and amazing colleagues, but I felt liberated afterwards knowing I need to follow my internal compass and boundaries.”
“There is a silver lining with every adversity. I realised that internal boundaries confine and constrain us.”
She recently moved back to Singapore with her husband and daughters, as she wanted to be closer to her roots and ageing parents after over two decades of living overseas.
It was a tough decision given the kids practically grew up in London and that she has many clients based there. Thankfully, with digital technology and a supportive family she can still work in Europe and in Asia.
Jocelyn continues: “I really enjoy helping other leaders develop and companies build effective happy teams, but I’m also conscious that I want to have more time helping people that have not been as fortunate as I have been.
“I realise that I am feeding into the inequality of life in the world. So far I coach only the top leaders. There are so many who need the support, who need to find their own voice, who need to have greater confidence in life, who are very capable but might not have access nor can afford the coaching support.”
WOW was founded as a response to the issue of the underrepresentation of women in leadership positions in all sectors worldwide. (Image: WOW)
Call it serendipity. When the coach and founder of WOW (Women of the World) approached her in 2020 to be a founding coach, “I couldn’t say ‘no’… It felt like the right thing to do.” WOW is an all-women global coaching programme that helps diverse women from all over the world by bringing clarity of direction and boosting confidence to set stretch goals, go for them, and sustain personal change.
Following that, Jocelyn also became associated with another coaching group called Making Stuff Better with focus on the education sector across the globe. She is exploring more partnerships to bring coaching to many at scale.
Inspired by the apple tree character in the book “The Giving Tree” Jocelyn relentlessly works to be someone that nourishes and transforms people’s lives.
“But I am not as grandiose as the fable Giving Tree depicts. Being a giving tree with some boundaries I set for myself resonates more with me. Someone who is giving and supportive of others, and having a clear boundary of what I need to thrive as well,” says Jocelyn.
Debbie | ws
(Images courtesy of Jocelyn Goh unless otherwise credited) | For more info on Executive Leadership and Team Coach, contact hellojocelyngoh@gmail.com | www.jocelyngoh.com | LinkedIn